Although my family has strong traditions for every holiday (even the less celebrated holidays), Christmas probably has the most tradition. We practically have a timeline that is followed consistently ever year. We drive 8-12 hours (depending on the weather) to participate in this tradition.
Christmas Eve
6:30pm-Candlelight service at my grandmother's church.
7:30ish-we go to my grandmother's house for Christmas Eve dinner. Adults sit at the big table in the bigger dining room. Children at the kids table in the smaller dining room. Although, there are not really many little kids anymore except the newer generation of grandchildren who can't sit by themselves because they are still too young. So everyone squishes in at the big table. If they are too many people, some will just sit at the "kid's" table.
7:45ish-some start doing the dishes while the rest of us keep eating lefse and other Norewegian goods such as sanbakkels, rosettes, flatbread, krumkake, etc. Some pull out the nuts and nutcrackers and we make a make a mess of the nutshells all over the table (which is conveniently covered in plastic for this) and I usually pull out my grandmas homeade ice cream and eat it with the sanbakkels. My favorite is when she makes peppermint ice cream.
8:15ish-we all make our way to the living room. (Note: this step cannot begin until every last piece of China has been washed and put away.) Someone will volunteer to read Luke 2 from the Bible. After the reading, someone volunteers to pray. Then we open presents.
*Up until a few years ago, all the children had to put on a talent show. They could play my grandma's piano or other instrument they brought. If you were like me and didn't play an instrument or sing, you were told to share poetry. This, of course, had to be an original. If you didn't want to, they eventually would just give you a poetry book and make you pick one to read. This would only happen if you were being too difficult. Sometimes we would team up and do skits, like Scrooge, our own original version, of course. These are all on videotape that most of us have yet to see.
You were told that you wouldn't have to do this as an adult. When you became an adult, you realized this wasn't true and the only real way out was to have a baby to replace you in the talent show, so we would never be short on talent. Sometimes I got really into it and other years, I wasn't--which ended with me being given the poetry book, of course. Even though there were a few years that I wasn't really feeling it, I'm glad our grandma and parent's made us do it. It built a strong sense of family tradition, and therefore, a strong sense of family.
8:45ish-After the presents have been opened, you make sure to go around and personally thank people for giving you the gift and tell them why it will be useful. Then we usually just talk and hangout for another hour or more. Some people will start playing card games while others are already back at the table cracking nuts or having third helpings of lefse or the other foods. Usually someone pops in movie and a bunch of us will watch together. Sometimes there's disagreements on what to watch so the boys will watch on the tv in the living room and the girls will watch on the tv in my grandma's room and we'll all lay on her bed and watch together. People usually go back and forth between the two. Sometimes we just overpower the boys and take the living room tv.
10:00ish-those who live locally head out and the families that travel (including my own) will either go to bed or stay up talking until the early hours of the morning. If you go to bed after people leave and wake up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, there is a chance that my grandma and aunt will still be up in the living room talking.
Christmas morning I hear people moving around upstairs and I know my grandma is already making breakfast. And as I lay there, I wonder if everyone has already eaten the sweet rolls and I whether I should make the trek upstairs or sleep a little longer. Will sleeping a little longer reduce my chance of having the complete ultimate breakfast? Is someone else pondering this same thought from their bed and the one who gets up there first will get the last roll? Most of the time, I drag myself upstairs where there is almost always still lots of great breakfast to have, sweet rolls, eggs, bacon, sausage, swedish pancakes and orange juice included.
Then we go lay around and watch some tv. Usually some of the cousins who live locally will come back and then we go for a walk and possibly drive over an hour to the nearest mall to make returns or get some deals. Someone in the family will snowblow or shovel my grandma's driveway and porch as needed. We reheat the endless supply of Christmas food for lunch and dinner the next couple days. And that's how it's done.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
My Sister's Keeper
When the oldest daughter, Kate, was a toddler, her family found out she had cancer. To meet her life and diet needs, her mom, Sarah, quit her career to stay at home and help her daughter full-time.
This strained her marriage as well as the relationships with her other two children, Jesse and Anna. The entire family’s identity shifted dramatically. They were no longer individuals. They were Kate’s support team. Jake’s dyslexia even went unnoticed for a time. This stressor led to other stressors causing a breakdown in the family.
Brian, the father, lost his wife. Sarah, lost her job and in a sense her identity. As the battle was an intense struggle, Sarah lost her identity. She was no longer a wife or lawyer. She was battling her daughter’s cancer. It was her full-time job. Jesse lost the attention he needed for his dyslexia to be noticed early on. As an adult, Jesse missed out on school until after his sister’s death. Anna was face with being stripped of future opportunities in life that she wanted to experience such as sports, pregnancy and the possibility of needing her own kidney for health reasons later in life, not to mention the physical strain she had already endured. Anna was faced with becoming more and more weak as the operations continued.
Anna was the resource used to save her sister. She did not just become the resource, she was designed and birthed by her parents intentionally to be the resource.
The stressor was a priority in the family. Usually people want to work through the stressor and put it behind them. However, that approach could not be used in this situation because you cannot resolve cancer. The stressor is permanent, at least until Kate’s death, in which case grieving becomes the new stressor. I believe these two stressors overlap and grieving begins prior to Kate’s death because they know ahead of time that she will in fact die. Everyone in the family shows signs of the acceptance stage of grieving, except for Sarah. Even Kate had accepted her own pending death.
I'm glad that the movie ending with them retreating to Montana on a yearly basis, because the day at beach where Brian tells Sarah he wants a divorce if she did not join them showed signs of a crumbling marriage. Although, in the moment that he said it, I had doubts about whether he meant. My interpretation was not that he meant it, but that he knew that was important and the statement was a sign of him not backing down on this one. Sarah usually had the final say in Kate's well-being, but Brian wanted his daughter to have good memories. In the driveway, Sarah kept yelling that going to the beach could kill her, but when I saw her on the beach my reaction was, 'No, today she's living.'
This strained her marriage as well as the relationships with her other two children, Jesse and Anna. The entire family’s identity shifted dramatically. They were no longer individuals. They were Kate’s support team. Jake’s dyslexia even went unnoticed for a time. This stressor led to other stressors causing a breakdown in the family.
Brian, the father, lost his wife. Sarah, lost her job and in a sense her identity. As the battle was an intense struggle, Sarah lost her identity. She was no longer a wife or lawyer. She was battling her daughter’s cancer. It was her full-time job. Jesse lost the attention he needed for his dyslexia to be noticed early on. As an adult, Jesse missed out on school until after his sister’s death. Anna was face with being stripped of future opportunities in life that she wanted to experience such as sports, pregnancy and the possibility of needing her own kidney for health reasons later in life, not to mention the physical strain she had already endured. Anna was faced with becoming more and more weak as the operations continued.
Anna was the resource used to save her sister. She did not just become the resource, she was designed and birthed by her parents intentionally to be the resource.
The stressor was a priority in the family. Usually people want to work through the stressor and put it behind them. However, that approach could not be used in this situation because you cannot resolve cancer. The stressor is permanent, at least until Kate’s death, in which case grieving becomes the new stressor. I believe these two stressors overlap and grieving begins prior to Kate’s death because they know ahead of time that she will in fact die. Everyone in the family shows signs of the acceptance stage of grieving, except for Sarah. Even Kate had accepted her own pending death.
I'm glad that the movie ending with them retreating to Montana on a yearly basis, because the day at beach where Brian tells Sarah he wants a divorce if she did not join them showed signs of a crumbling marriage. Although, in the moment that he said it, I had doubts about whether he meant. My interpretation was not that he meant it, but that he knew that was important and the statement was a sign of him not backing down on this one. Sarah usually had the final say in Kate's well-being, but Brian wanted his daughter to have good memories. In the driveway, Sarah kept yelling that going to the beach could kill her, but when I saw her on the beach my reaction was, 'No, today she's living.'
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I'm a single mom...raising a banana.
So my son, Ban, was born on Wednesday, November 17th, 2010.
All was good. I set Ban down next to me. A while later, I left my room to take the garbage out to the curb, then I washed a few dishes, then made some hot cocoa. I went back to my room and saw Ban laying there. I immediately thought, 'Oh no! Ban! I left him all alone!' It made me think of those old advertisements that said, "It's 5 o'clock. Do you know where you're children are?" This was going to take some getting used to.
So I only had to get up once in the night because I only slept for 6 hours. Because of the night before, I was afraid that I was going to forget Ban at home the next day when I went to school. But I did remember. I have to say that I knew carrying Ban around all day would be annoying, but seriously--it was way annoying!! Especially when I left my headlights on and had to recruit strangers to jump start my car. And when I spent a few hours going to multiple auto parts stores to figure what I need to re-wire my car. Disassembling the front of my car (to work on the headlights) with a banana is not easy, so I finally just put him in the driver's seat. And then forgot about him when I went back into the auto parts store.
The bottom line is that though I had him with almost the whole time, I would still consider it a parenting epic fail, because you can't just forget babies in the car, and in your room when you do chores.
However, I doubt I would forget a real baby so easily. I have lived with a newborn baby before. I was always aware of his presence and got to do the fun stuff like putting him to bed every night. Granted, I did not have to do a lot of the messy stuff and don't think I want to have that responsibility yet.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Family Roles
This is a tough one. I have no idea what my family will look like in 2025. I'm pretty traditional, so I imagine gender roles will be pretty strong, but not restrictive. My husband will do anything that requires lifting or strength in general such as shoveling, snowblowing, and other outdoor work. I don't mind cooking, but I don't want to do it all the time. I don't mind doing laundry either, so that means I'm probably doing the laundry. I hate vacuuming, so my husband does that or it doesn't get done.
As far as raising children, that's joint thing. I think men can be just as nurturing as a woman. Because I am a good communicator, it would seem natural that I would be the one that informs everyone, that everyone talks to, gets advice from, etc. However, I think it would be awesome if my husband were that way too. Then my children wouldn't see communication as a womans role, but they would see it modeled in both of us and see good communication as a way of life.
My husband will most likely be the breadwinner. He will make the bulk of the money and I will budget it. Most of all, he will be the spiritual leader in the family. Throughout our marriage, we will probably take turns with that, but overall, he will be the leader.
Also, my husband is amazing and has great taste in music.
As far as raising children, that's joint thing. I think men can be just as nurturing as a woman. Because I am a good communicator, it would seem natural that I would be the one that informs everyone, that everyone talks to, gets advice from, etc. However, I think it would be awesome if my husband were that way too. Then my children wouldn't see communication as a womans role, but they would see it modeled in both of us and see good communication as a way of life.
My husband will most likely be the breadwinner. He will make the bulk of the money and I will budget it. Most of all, he will be the spiritual leader in the family. Throughout our marriage, we will probably take turns with that, but overall, he will be the leader.
Also, my husband is amazing and has great taste in music.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Rules Redo
Okay, since I was gone at the end of class, I misunderstood the assignment. So I am redoing it. If you already responded on my other one, don't worry about it.
It's hard to say what the communication rules are because things are pretty much fair game in my house. On one hand, we are very Norwegian, so we can be very stoic with expressions and conversations.
1) We talk about money (rarely-until I became interested), but not in terms of actual figures. I'm the money talker in the house. I read Suze Orman books and tell them what I know. I try to get girl members of my family and friends to talk about money because women generally don't and they don't know what to do with their money (how to budget, invest, etc.). This is where i come in and get the ball rolling. I've noticed that now my family and friends talk about money more now too and will ask me for input.
2) We don't usually share what's "on our heart/mind" with other family members in too much depth. This is usually reserved for close relationships outside the family. Family communication is generally pretty surface (some depth), but when it really comes down to something big, you can turn to anybody in the family for support.
It's hard to say what the communication rules are because things are pretty much fair game in my house. On one hand, we are very Norwegian, so we can be very stoic with expressions and conversations.
1) We talk about money (rarely-until I became interested), but not in terms of actual figures. I'm the money talker in the house. I read Suze Orman books and tell them what I know. I try to get girl members of my family and friends to talk about money because women generally don't and they don't know what to do with their money (how to budget, invest, etc.). This is where i come in and get the ball rolling. I've noticed that now my family and friends talk about money more now too and will ask me for input.
2) We don't usually share what's "on our heart/mind" with other family members in too much depth. This is usually reserved for close relationships outside the family. Family communication is generally pretty surface (some depth), but when it really comes down to something big, you can turn to anybody in the family for support.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Family Rules
Rule #1: Don't take long showers too often. If you are in the shower too long, too many times in a row...my mother will turn the water heater off until you get out.
Rule #2: All the children in the extended family must perform (sing, play an instrument, read poetry, put on a skit such as "Scrooge", etc.) if they want to open their Christmas gifts. You can do something by yourself. You can team up with others. But you will do something. When you don't want to, you are told that you have to do this every year until you are an adult then you don't have to anymore. Once you turn 18, you realize this isn't true and the only real way to get out of this is by getting married (making you an official adult) or reproducing to bear the next generation of performing children. In short, the only way out is by having a child to replace you in the annual family Christmas talent show.
Rule #2: All the children in the extended family must perform (sing, play an instrument, read poetry, put on a skit such as "Scrooge", etc.) if they want to open their Christmas gifts. You can do something by yourself. You can team up with others. But you will do something. When you don't want to, you are told that you have to do this every year until you are an adult then you don't have to anymore. Once you turn 18, you realize this isn't true and the only real way to get out of this is by getting married (making you an official adult) or reproducing to bear the next generation of performing children. In short, the only way out is by having a child to replace you in the annual family Christmas talent show.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Camp Hideaway-Where all your nightmare can come true
So this one time, probably around 1999, I headed down to Illinois with my aunt and two cousins to go to a volleyball tournament. Afterwards, we were going to visit a guy that my cousin knew from camp. I think we were under the impression we were going to be staying with him after the tournament. Somehow, there was a communication mishap and his parents were out of town and we couldn't even go in the house. We hung outside for little bit and then used his bathroom and went on our way. We didn't want to drive home at this point because it was late and we had hours to go.
My aunt decided that we should just go camping because she had a tent in her trunk. So we went to a nearby campground called Camp Hideaway. Oh Camp Hideaway. My aunt paid for a spot and we found it. It was already pitch dark when we got there and we couldn't see much. I don't really feel comfortable in places unless I've seen them in daylight. However, I did not have that advantage this time. So my cousins and I are all freaked out, all the while my aunt seems fine. She pitches the tent and tells us to come on in. My cousins and I just felt like the place was too eery and we weren't having any of it. We said we would sleep in the car with the doors locked because a wimpy tent wasn't a strong enough fortress. My aunt slept in the tent and my cousins and I in the car. Let me tell you, it's a nightmare to sleep in a driver's seat. You can't turn over easily with the steering wheel in the way. In the morning, however, my definition of a nightmare would be revised.
Dawn was breaking, grey and foggy, and that's when I looked out my window and saw it. Camp Hideaway. *gasps* It looked like something out of a horror film. Abandon trailers everywhere with weeds grown over to the point of encompassing them. Children's chairs and tricycles on their sides, with weeds grown over, tying them to the ground. And not a single person in sight.
We checked the tent to make sure my aunt was still alive. Then, we all headed to the bathrooms to clean up and get out. Though, we even thought about skipping that step just to get out. We got to the bathroom and it was blanketed in spider webs and there was a cat on the counter. It was clear that this bathroom had not been cleaned since it was built. Nothing really worked either, so we went back to the car. We got in the car and locked the doors. As we drove through the grey haze and saw more things, like a trailer that had "Eat yer Jap car" written on the side, we knew words could never describe this place and our story would never do it justice. We just kept talking about how we wished we had a camera because no one would believe us. We decided it was called Camp Hideaway because that's where escaped convicts are hiding out.
I found some reviews of other Hideaway survivors on the internet that were all too accurate:
“Do not camp here! It is scary! It looks like a great location for a Steven King movie or perhaps a sequel to Friday the 13th words can't even describe this place, do not bring your family here!”
"Most of the full time residents are toothless with scary demeanors, not role models for young children."
“While camping here, our camper was vandalized at 1 am, and the security guard showed up with a beer in his hand."
"Scary is not even the word to describe it! Driving in there were several abandoned campers with weeds covering them. It was as if we drove into another world. There was no rhyme or reason to this place. The bathrooms were run down at best. The facilities were absolutely gross - it was as if this was a sub community to some out law gang land. To be fair the girl at the front gate was nice to let us drive around and also opened the office to give us information but I was worried about her actually being in that campground - how could she feel safe there?.”
"It needs to be closed down, everyone ordered out, cleaned up, and re-opened two years later. We saw abandoned trailers with doors that were flapping open and shut in the wind. Rusting units and belongings strewn. Awful equipments lying all over the place. No sense of order or monitoring by anyone."
found at:
http://www.mytravelguide.com/attractions/profile-67196705-United_States_Illinois_Yorkville_Hide_A_Way_Lake_Campground.html
My aunt decided that we should just go camping because she had a tent in her trunk. So we went to a nearby campground called Camp Hideaway. Oh Camp Hideaway. My aunt paid for a spot and we found it. It was already pitch dark when we got there and we couldn't see much. I don't really feel comfortable in places unless I've seen them in daylight. However, I did not have that advantage this time. So my cousins and I are all freaked out, all the while my aunt seems fine. She pitches the tent and tells us to come on in. My cousins and I just felt like the place was too eery and we weren't having any of it. We said we would sleep in the car with the doors locked because a wimpy tent wasn't a strong enough fortress. My aunt slept in the tent and my cousins and I in the car. Let me tell you, it's a nightmare to sleep in a driver's seat. You can't turn over easily with the steering wheel in the way. In the morning, however, my definition of a nightmare would be revised.
Dawn was breaking, grey and foggy, and that's when I looked out my window and saw it. Camp Hideaway. *gasps* It looked like something out of a horror film. Abandon trailers everywhere with weeds grown over to the point of encompassing them. Children's chairs and tricycles on their sides, with weeds grown over, tying them to the ground. And not a single person in sight.
We checked the tent to make sure my aunt was still alive. Then, we all headed to the bathrooms to clean up and get out. Though, we even thought about skipping that step just to get out. We got to the bathroom and it was blanketed in spider webs and there was a cat on the counter. It was clear that this bathroom had not been cleaned since it was built. Nothing really worked either, so we went back to the car. We got in the car and locked the doors. As we drove through the grey haze and saw more things, like a trailer that had "Eat yer Jap car" written on the side, we knew words could never describe this place and our story would never do it justice. We just kept talking about how we wished we had a camera because no one would believe us. We decided it was called Camp Hideaway because that's where escaped convicts are hiding out.
I found some reviews of other Hideaway survivors on the internet that were all too accurate:
“Do not camp here! It is scary! It looks like a great location for a Steven King movie or perhaps a sequel to Friday the 13th words can't even describe this place, do not bring your family here!”
"Most of the full time residents are toothless with scary demeanors, not role models for young children."
“While camping here, our camper was vandalized at 1 am, and the security guard showed up with a beer in his hand."
"Scary is not even the word to describe it! Driving in there were several abandoned campers with weeds covering them. It was as if we drove into another world. There was no rhyme or reason to this place. The bathrooms were run down at best. The facilities were absolutely gross - it was as if this was a sub community to some out law gang land. To be fair the girl at the front gate was nice to let us drive around and also opened the office to give us information but I was worried about her actually being in that campground - how could she feel safe there?.”
"It needs to be closed down, everyone ordered out, cleaned up, and re-opened two years later. We saw abandoned trailers with doors that were flapping open and shut in the wind. Rusting units and belongings strewn. Awful equipments lying all over the place. No sense of order or monitoring by anyone."
found at:
http://www.mytravelguide.com/attractions/profile-67196705-United_States_Illinois_Yorkville_Hide_A_Way_Lake_Campground.html
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Family Theme & Metaphor: AAA
Theme: Support
Metaphor: My family is a AAA card. You may go long periods without needing it, but it is always there, ready and willing.
Metaphor: My family is a AAA card. You may go long periods without needing it, but it is always there, ready and willing.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Fresh Prince - Fathers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l017_Rox0XE&feature=related
This clip is from the tv series "Fresh Prince of Belair." Will lives with his aunt and uncle. Will's father comes through town and breaks the promise for them to go on a trip together. This creates tension between Will's Father and the real family he has with his aunt, uncle, and cousins.
Will vents about life without his father stating that he doesn't need him. All the while still wanting to be wanted.
This clip is from the tv series "Fresh Prince of Belair." Will lives with his aunt and uncle. Will's father comes through town and breaks the promise for them to go on a trip together. This creates tension between Will's Father and the real family he has with his aunt, uncle, and cousins.
Will vents about life without his father stating that he doesn't need him. All the while still wanting to be wanted.
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